Hello,
The holiday season is here. You are probably hearing Christmas songs pop up on the radio, seeing people decorating their homes and getting ready for these special times of the year. The holidays are so special for many of us.
For some it brings up a lot of pain, maybe loneliness, a time where we reflect on who is important and not being connected to our loved ones. Maybe for some it reminds of big losses, or we might not have the finances to have a home cooked meal.
If you are feeling and experiencing that the holidays don’t feel cheerful or bright I wanted to share some practical suggestions to help those who are choosing to not spend with their immediate family or those that may not have others to spend their holidays with.
First, I would suggest creating your own holiday traditions. What is meaningful for you this holiday? How can you spend it in a way that brings meaning or goodness to you? Maybe that can be something tangible like an arts and crafts or volunteering at a homeless shelter? That may mean watching a favorite movie or baking your favorite holiday cookies. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture but something that may symbolize who you are and what the holiday can represent for you. Making your own traditions apart from the ones that are “expected” or “adopted” can bring a sense of empowerment or ownership for some.
Second, how can you create a community of your own? For some if we are alone on the holidays, it maybe because we chose to be or it may be because it became our situation and we no longer have those close to us here. In these times, who can we reach out to or spend our holidays with? Or who can we invite into our space to invite to a meal or make a new holiday tradition with? There may be others that we don’t even know about that don’t have a place to call “home.”
Third, I encourage you to tell one person what you are going through. Someone that will be kind and respond in a way that will feel safe. Being able to honest about what is going on with us can be a very comforting experience. We don’t have to walk through the journey alone and instead at least with one other person we can show up as we are.
In addition, I would also recommend finding a way to honor what you have lost. For some this might bring up more pain than meaning and if that is the case, it might not be the right time. However if it does feel meaningful and healing for you I wonder how you could find a pratical way to honor what you have lost this holiday season. For some that might mean cooking that person's favorite meal. Others may write a letter to that person or make an ornament in memory of them. For some it could mean to talk about their presence and memories. Everyone will be different but to have a way to honor that person can be healing.
Lastly, having space for your entire experience. I remember in some situations we would go around the Thanksgiving table and say what we were thankful for. Although a great activity, for some though this season may be a season of pain, loss, loneliness or grief. What if we gave space for our entire experience. We can be both sad for our loss and grateful for the food on our table. We can be both lonely and empowered by the tradition we just made. We can be both feeling deep hurt and still be at peace because of faith or hope. What if we gave room for it all and said there’s space for the hard and the beautiful.
What about you? What have you found that may help during the holiday season when it's hard?
My hope is that you know that you are not alone. The holiday season can be recreated to fit the perspectives and meaning you bring to it whether you decide to do on your own or with a chosen community. Your pain is not unseen because the time calls for celebration. My hope is that you would have the permission to have your entire experience as your authentic self.
May your holiday be bright as your sense of self is honored in a way that feels meaningful and empowering and authentic to you.
Warmly,
Sharon
Disclaimer: This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. The topics being discussed are meant as a self-help tool for you own use. It is not psychotherapy or counseling. This information is to be used based on your own judgment. If you need to speak with a professional, you should find one local to you and contact them directly.
National Crisis Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Sharon Chan, LMFT
Irvine, CA
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